Fuck dude. I just want you to want me enough. Who the fuck cares about distance. Do you actually like me the way you say you do? Or do you really just not know how to let someone down? Is this your version of letting me down softly? Cause it feels violent in my chest.
You are saying the same exact things to me that Wyatt said when he broke it off with me. “My last relationship was long distance and I don’t want to do that again”. Why is it necessarily going to be the same with me? And why did you talk to me with the intent of dating me for so fucking long if this is how you felt.
How do I continuously get myself in this situation? How is it always ending with the guy saying he likes me so much but there is some seemingly arbitrary reason that he can’t proceed with me. It just seems there’s always something I am lacking for these guys to want to actually be with me. And I don’t get it.
And I am just is so much pain. My heart hurts so bad. It hurts to think about it. It hurts to have things pop into my head of different reasons why you actually don’t want to be with me than the reason you are stating.
I just want to be enough for you. And I never ever want to hear “if only we lived in the same place” again. Those words just break me.
Grief is the only proof that I love and I love well. Love and grief are actually intertwined with each other and as “Akif Kichloo” once wrote, “the opposite of grief is not laughter or happiness or joy. It is love. It is love. It is love.”
“Grief is love’s souvenir. It’s our proof that we once loved. Grief is the receipt we wave in the air that says to the world: Look! Love was once mine. I love well. Here is my proof that I paid the price.”
ALT